You know something has changed, but “Mom is not herself” is difficult for a medical office to triage. A short, dated account of what happened can help the clinician understand urgency and decide what kind of assessment is appropriate.

Your job is not to diagnose. It is to report observable changes, relevant context, and the decision you need help making.

Write a one-minute summary

  • What changed, with two or three concrete examples
  • When it began and whether the change was sudden or gradual
  • How often it happens and whether it is worsening
  • What daily activity or safety issue is affected
  • What you are asking the office to do next

Try: “Over the last three weeks, Dad missed two medication doses, got lost driving to his usual store, and left the stove on once. This is new. He has also been sleeping poorly. Does he need an urgent appointment, and what information should we bring?”

Gather the context that can change the answer

Have an up-to-date medication and supplement list, recent medication changes, diagnoses, allergies, recent illness or hospitalization, falls, sleep changes, alcohol or substance use, sensory changes, and any measurements the clinician specifically asked you to track.

Prioritize your questions

Choose the questions most likely to change the immediate next step. Ask what needs urgent attention, what assessment is appropriate, what to observe, and when to call back. Save broad planning questions for a longer appointment when possible.

Plan for consent and privacy

Ask the office what consent, proxy, or release forms it needs. Speak to your parent directly and include them where possible. Even when a clinician cannot disclose protected information to you, the office may be able to receive observations; local rules and circumstances vary.

End with who will do what

  • Who will book or attend the next appointment?
  • Which symptoms require same-day or emergency help?
  • What information should be tracked?
  • Who will review test results and by when?
  • What number should the family call if the situation changes?

Sources and further reading

Nestoa links to these organizations for source context. A link does not imply endorsement of Nestoa.

Related guidance

Does my aging parent need more help? Signs to notice and what to do next

Look for changes across daily life, talk about what you have actually noticed, and choose a first step that matches the concern.

When an aging parent keeps falling but refuses help

Treat repeated falls as a health concern, reduce the clearest immediate risk, and make one smaller request your parent can answer.

When a person with dementia refuses medication

Pause the struggle, find the reason for the refusal, and ask the prescriber or pharmacist how to handle a missed or difficult dose safely.